


Nothing like a home-cooked meal

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I made myself laugh, This is really short and I'm sorry, its teen and up because theres a sex inuendo, theres a joyfire mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Jason was used to control, but not control over Alfred's kitchen in charge of cooking a surprise dinner for Bruce and Alfred. And he most certainly was not used to having his younger siblings listening to him.





	Nothing like a home-cooked meal

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a birthday gift for the amazing Stell (identityconstellations on Tumblr)! It was a bit last minute and I didn't really have any ideas, but I hope this is ok.

It wasn’t every day that Jason was given free reign of the Wayne Manor kitchen.

It also very often that he managed to be in charge of his family. Damian was dutifully chopping carrots and Tim was mincing meat. Harper and Cullen were peeling potatoes in the sink. Jason himself was stirring a pot full of spices and chicken broth.

Dick was out with Bruce and Alfred, distracting them so they didn’t come home for a few more hours. Jason couldn’t remember what had possessed him to do this, make a meal for Bruce and Alfred. Maybe it was the cooking channel that Roy had been watching recently, or the meals Kori was trying (and failing) to make. Or maybe it was how thin Alfred had gotten recently, or how worn out Bruce was looking. Either way, here he was.

“Jason, my hands smell like meet and I have thyme under my nails,” Tim complained from the other end of the counter. “Can you take this away from me now?”

“Did you add the oil?” Jason asked, adding more salt to the broth.

“The oil?”

“Yes. The oil.”

“Which one? Olive, vegetable, sunflower or canola?”

Jason sighed. “The one in the green bottle.”

“Right, so olive, vegetable, sunflower or canola?”

“What?” Jason turned around with a scowl, ready to smack Tim on the head with the wooden spoon, but saw that there were indeed four different green canisters full of oil. Alfred’s cursive handwriting decorated little labels stuck to the glass. “Oh, olive oil.” He turned back to his pot and turned down the heat a little before he added chilli flakes.

He heard a snicker from behind him. “What is it bat-brat?” he grumbled.

“You look like a housewife Todd.” Damian snorted from behind him, elbow deep in a pile of carrots. “Is that how you dress when you’re in bed with Kori and Harper?”

Jason looked down at himself. He was wearing a floral apron he had found in a drawer. He had a wooden spoon in his hand and had on a too tight shirt on that said: “Kiss my Glock”. Roy must have bought it for him at a sex store on a mission, purposefully a few sizes too small. “Don’t let Alfie see you in that,” Tim said, casting him a sideways glance. “He’ll make you kiss the floor while you scrub it.”

“I think it’s cute.” Harper grinned from her place in the sink. She was bleeding already and Cullen had put coloured bandages on her fingers, leaving him to do most of the peeling. “It brings out your personality.  What do you think Cullen?”

“I think you need to stop being so clumsy and help me peel these potatoes,” Cullen grumbled, brushing hair out of his face. “You can work with electrical wires and fight crime at night, but you can’t use a potato peeler?”

Jason grinned and cracked some pepper in the pot. It was turning a reddish-brown colour and Jason pretended that it didn’t look like blood. “Do you want tofu in yours Dami or just vegetables?”

“Is the tofu already prepared?”

“No, but it shouldn’t take too long.”

“Nonsense Todd. Vegetables are fine.”

Jason shrugged. He left the pot on to boil and went to help Cullen with the potatoes. “Harper, if you’re not helping your brother go help mine. I think Timbo’s going to faint over there.” Tim was looking a little squeamish, so Harper pushed herself off the bench and bumped him out of the way with her hip. He rushed to wash his hands, using half a bottle of hand wash and turning the tap on full blast. But the hand wash wasn’t neon blue. Jason started to giggle.

“Hey Tim,” He said casually, receiving a weird look from Cullen. “That’s not hand wash.”

“Huh?”

“That’s not hand wash. That’s dish soap.”

Tim gave an ungodly screech as he dashed to turn off the tap as the bubbles overflowed over the lip of the sink. It flowed down the sides of the cupboards and left slippery puddles of foam on the floor. Jason collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles, everyone else following suit. Tim tried to fight the bubbles and push them back down, but they just flew up into his hair and coated his arms.

“Jeze Timmy, when was the last time you got any sleep?” Jason gasped, holding his stomach.

Tim pouted but the look fell short while he was covered in a thick film of froth. “What’s it to you?”

Harper was writhing on the ground, laughing so hard her face was turning red. “I wish I got that on camera!” She wheezed.

Jason’s phone buzzed from its place on the counter, and he reluctantly got up to get it. An image of Dick hanging upside-down by his legs flashed on the screen. “Hey, dicky-bird,” Jason said when he answered. “Is everything going to plan?”

“You owe me for this Jason.” Was Dick’s hissed remark. “I’ve run away to the bathroom to call you. Dinner better be ready soon because I’m doing everything in my power to keep them away from the food court.”

Jason grinned “You not enjoying family time with your father and grandfather?”

“Are you enjoying spending time with the children?”

Jason looked over his shoulder at the others. Tim was frantically whipping suds off of his clothes only for them to re-appear again, Damian was waving a knife around like he was conducting an orchestra, Harper was on the floor playing with the overflowed bubbles and Cullen was just trying desperately to manage all the food.

“Touché” 

“Yeah, I thought so.” Jason could practically hear Dick’s smirk from the other end “Cass and Steph are on their way. They said something about a cake? I don’t know. Just be ready.”

“Noted. Will do. See you soon Goldie.”

“Bye Babybir- no Bruce you can’t buy that, I don’t care how much you want it or how wealthy you are, we are not buying a solid gold llama statue!” The call ended, leaving Jason to wonder if they were getting a shiny new edition to the Manor.

The doorbell rang just as Cullen was adding the ingredients to a large mixing bowl. Jason took it from him with a thank you. “Go see who’s at the door.” He told him. He mixed everything together with the wooden spoon and then poured it into the pot. He stirred it and then left it to boil again as the door opened.

“We come bearing gifts of CAKE!” Steph shouted as she walked through the door. She was holding a tray with a cake on it, a black cake with a crudely drawn yellow bat on it. Jason rolled his eyes.

Cass came through the door next, smothered in a blanket. “Are you cold Cass?” Jason asked. “You look like a burrito.”

She shook her head. “Not burrito.” She said, “Guess again!”

“I don’t know Cass,” Jason said, leaning on the counter. “A cocoon?” She shook her head. “A chicken wrap?” Another shake. “I give up.”

Cass grinned and raised her arms outstretched at her sides. Steph instantly put the cake down and went behind Cass, putting two fingers up behind her head. Cass had her head tilted down so her hair was hiding her face. Like a cowl. The blanket looked like a cape and Steph’s fingers… bat ears.

“I am vengeance,” Cass said in a deep, gravelly voice. “I am night.”

That brought about a whole new bout of laughter, causing Damian to slip on the soap still coating the kitchen tiles. Tim was the first to regain his breath and he wiped the tears from his eyes. “Did you make or buy the cake?” He asked the girls.

Their grins were proud. “Made,” Cass announced. Worry etched itself on Tim’s face and Steph laughed. “Cass made it.” She clarified. “I decorated.”

A ding from Jason’s phone had everyone shutting up and they all held their breath as they waited to hear what it was.

One message was on the screen, from Dick. “Get ready.”

“Everyone,” Jason declared. He made eye contact with everyone. “Battle stations.”

They scrambled, placing plates on the table, collecting cutlery, lighting candles, preparing dishes. Jason poured the meal into the plates which Cullen diligently took and placed on the dining table. Cass put the cake in the fridge, Steph and Harper were collecting glasses and bread and setting them up. Tim and Damian were arguing about the order of the spoons. Jason was trying to prepare himself for the inevitable.

The family was seated and dressed in proper entire when Bruce walked through the door. He stood stock-still at the front door, causing Dick to bump into him. “What’s this?” Bruce asked. Dick looked around him to where his family was seated. “Dinner.” He said, pushing past him and sitting in his seat. “You said you were hungry, now you can shut up and eat. Save me another headache.”

Bruce gave him an incredulous look. “You knew about this?”

“Of course I did. Would I punish myself like that for nothing? Not sit down. Your children have made you dinner and you both are going to shut up and eat it.”

Bruce and Alfred sat down, giving the meals a suspicious look. Jason felt a pang of dread. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“Ah, I recognise this meal.” Alfred smiled. “It was the first meal I taught to Master Jason when he had first come to live with us, I believe.”

“You never taught this meal to us,” Tim said through a mouthful of potato.

“That’s because I taught everyone something different, Master Timothy.”

“Wait, so how did all of you know how to make it?” Bruce asked, lifting his spoon and dribbling the broth back into the bowl.

“They didn’t.” Dick sighed. “Jason did. Jason made It Bruce. For the world’s greatest detective, you’re really an idiot. Jason made it and showed everyone else. Now shut up and eat your son’s food.”

“Jason made this?” Bruce asked, slightly in awe. His eyes were wide and his mouth was agape.

“Duh,” Dick muttered.

Bruce smiled. “Then I’m sure it’ll be excellent.”

Everyone was smiling at him. Jason didn’t know what he should be doing, who he should look at so he just watched his spoon on its trail from his bowl to his mouth. He wasn’t used to the expression on their faces, and made him feel… happy.

Jason was happy and his family was proud of him. That’s all he’s ever asked for.


End file.
